Mike Phirman is incredibly uncomfortable writing about himself in the third person, so he is going to write his bio in the second person.

You are a musician and music producer who lives in Los Angeles. You were in a comedy music duo called "Hard 'n Phirm" that made a half-hour Comedy Central special. You love folding laundry and were born without a sense of smell. You’ve worked as a visual effects artist for TV shows, like "CSI." You made an album called “The Very Last Songs I Will Ever Record (Part 1)”. You lost your mind when “Weird Al” Yankovic showed up to perform on one of the tracks.

You are currently recording some songs that are meant to be kid-friendly but, at the same time, not so kid-friendly that they can't be listened to in the car by the whole family without the parents wanting to find you and kill you. You will call the album: "Songs to Sing at Children."

Most recently, you googled the words “comedian bio what to write”—you found nothing helpful.